We Get Back Up Again
by aroo4life
Summary: Santana makes a huge mistake that threatens her marriage to Rachel and their family. Is it possible to forgive, to rebuild a relationship after one person's actions shake it's foundation?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Bold entries are for Santana and non-bolded for Rachel.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

**Santana rubbed her temple sending up a silent prayer to whatever God might be listening in this moment. Dread weighed down the pit of her stomach as the driver her manager had hired to take her home from the airport got closer to the house. Normally, Santana would be ecstatic to get home, bursting at the seams to twirl her kids around hugging them close after a month of nothing but skype calls. Her lips would tingle in anticipation of the sweet kiss she would share with Rachel. Even after years of marriage, Rachel would still bring her to her knees with the lightest of touches. **

**However, today was different. Today she was coming home after having fucked up - and badly, publically. The kids would more than likely be over at the Berry Dads condo in Queens so that she and Rachel could talk or more accurately she could grovel like an absolute asshole and beg her wife to forgive her. From the moment she had awakened three nights ago, naked, hung over, her head pounding, with an equally naked long, lean blonde woman, Santana's world had tilted on its axis and she wasn't sure she was ever going to recover.**

**Pressing a couple of bills into the hands of the driver as he carefully set the luggage on the sidewalk outside of her home, Santana inhaled deeply choking on the emotion welling in her throat. She did not get to cry. She had not earned the right to cry. The woman inside their home, the woman Santana had pledged her eternal love to, the woman she had betrayed – that woman had the right to cry, to scream, to rage at the injustice of what she had done and the picture proof seen on newsstands around the States.**

The past two days for Rachel had been hell. It was like her whole world had fallen down on top of her, and she couldn't see a way to fix it. Ever since she saw the front cover of US Weekly yesterday - Santana with a blonde dancer on her lap, her hand on the woman's butt - Rachel hadn't been able to stop crying. She knew what those pictures meant, and by Santana's constant calls, she could tell the woman had something to apologize for. It was just a matter of confirmation.

As soon as her fathers found out, they had turned up at the house with a care basket and offers to take the children to their condo, which Rachel had gratefully accepted. She didn't want the children around when Santana came home. They had things to discuss and it wasn't fair to have the children in the house. And with the amount of paparazzi that had been swarming the house the day before, Rachel was glad. How her manager managed to get rid of them, she would never know. But she was glad for it.

Curled up on the sofa in a blanket, and their trusty family dog by their side, Rachel stared at the magazine that lay on her coffee table. She knew Santana was expected home any minute and the anticipation of her arrival was almost unbearable.

**Swallowing hard, Santana turned the key in the deadbolt on the front door. The metallic scrape sounded as loudly as the clicking of the hammer on her dad's old pistol. Twisting the handle, she shoved the door open and dragged her small suitcase into the entry way. **

"**Ba - Rachel." Santana barely caught herself from calling out the endearment that was as natural as breathing. A tear pricked at the corner of her eye gravity dragging it down her cheek before she could stop its flow. A whining greeting from their pup confirmed Rachel's likely position in the living room and Santana dragged her leaden feet in that direction. Opening her mouth to speak, she found no words at all as she took in the resigned and disheveled appearance of her wife**_**. Her wife.**_** There on the coffee table was a copy of that magazine, that damning magazine with its color proof of her indiscretion. It had taunted her at every newsstand at the airport reminding her with each breath of just how stupid she was. "I'm so sorry. So sorry, baby. So so sorry." **

It was Santana's eyes that gave her away. Rachel knew as soon as she saw her wife that the rumours were true. Santana never was any good at lying. She couldn't stop her bottom lip from quivering. "How could you, Santana?" Her voice broke with emotion, and she cuddled into the blanket more.

She had no more words for her wife. To be honest, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear Santana admit to what she had done. Because hearing her wife say it would only make it real. And at that moment, Rachel was still stuck between hoping the pictures had a logical explanation and naively wanting to believe that her wife would never give up what they had, give up their family.

**Santana's head dropped, chin to her chest. Shame tore through her with each uttered word, the slight stammer in Rachel's usually perfect diction. "It was a mistake … an accident .. a drunken lapse."**

**The words sounded incredibly hollow to her ears. They were the truth, but fuck all if that helped in this moment. The night was a blur after a certain point and she was devastated to have done this to her family. She remembered a skype call at the appointed time with the kids. They had excitedly shared the details of their day and begged for her to sing the lullaby either she or Rachel had sung to them almost nightly from the time they were still in utero. Rachel had been out again despite it being a scheduled family time call and Santana had been miffed to have been blown off for what seemed like the better part of a month. They were drifting. They both knew it but neither had wanted to put words to the distance and the ill-timed brief concert tour had only exasperated that. They had barely shared more than a few words and a quick text of 'Good night' the entire time she was away. There had been no weekend trip to share one or two nights at least once as there had been in the past. **

**Disconnecting the call, Santana had proceeded to pick up a bottle of the hardest liquor her tour manager could muster up and drinking herself into oblivion to mask her bitter disappointment at missing her wife and feeling so damn lonely. Brittany had been flirting for weeks, teasing her with a little extra swish of her hips or a flash of more and more cleavage spilling from her top but Santana had kept things fairly kosher – maybe a return wink or a light glance but always with polite distance until that night in her drunken haze when she let things progress so quickly to not feel so alone.**

"**Please forgive me. Please."**

And Santana's words confirmed Rachel's fears. Santana had cheated on her. "Those aren't excuses, Santana." Rachel's voice broke and she turned her head away from her wife to wipe away her tears. She couldn't let Santana see her cry. Santana didn't deserve to see her tears, or how much she had hurt her.

Turning back to face her wife, a new-found glare in her eyes, she continued. "Don't you think I had opportunities? That I could have slept with someone? But I didn't.Because I actually care about our family." Their family dog cuddled into her as he noticed how upset she was getting.

Rachel knew that she hadn't exactly been the perfect wife. She had missed Skype calls, and hadn't made the effort to visit Santana on tour like she used to. Instead, she had chosen late night rehearsals and studio times over her wife. And they hadn't talked about it. They had let it pass by and acted as though everything was okay.

"Forgive you? How am I supposed to forgive you?" Swallowing roughly she gazed into Santana's eyes. "Did you sleep with her?"

"**Is there an excuse I could offer that would mean anything?" Santana's voice was raw and emotional with a hint of her own temper. Biting that back because she knew she was at fault, Santana closed her eyes before meeting Rachel's intense gaze. "I care about our family. I didn't mean for this … any of this to happen and it didn't mean anything."**

**Part of Santana wanted to crawl into a hole, bury herself in blankets, anything to hide and not deal with this mess, but she couldn't do that. "I … I did. I think I did."**

"Oh, you care about your family? I'm sorry, but US Weekly doesn't seem to think so." She had tried to keep her anger at bay, but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She had cried too much already.

"You think?" Rachel shook her head, closing her eyes to keep her tears from falling. "It's all over the press, Santana." Running her fingers through her hair, she sighed deeply. "What if the kids had seen it?" Rachel knew mentioning the kids would be a low blow for Santana, and it'd hurt her.

"**US Weekly can kiss my ass." Santana struggled to keep her voice from rising. She knew Rachel was baiting her and she was willing to accept 100% of the blame. This was on her and she would take it all. "Please. This isn't about them. Don't make it about them."**

"Or maybe you'd prefer that blonde to kiss it." Rachel said, her head held high. She was mad, so mad, and she needed to get it out of her system. Even though her words were venomous, her eyes continued to show how hurt she was by Santana's actions. "Y'know, if you wanted to sleep with someone else, fine. But how could you have been so stupid to let the press get ahold of it? To embarrass me like that? Don't you think you did enough?"

**Santana shook her head vehemently, her breathing starting to get shallow coming out in short pants. There were two more stops on the tour, but she didn't plan on getting anywhere near Brittany again, either alone or even in a small group, during that time. "I didn't want to sleep with anyone else. And I didn't fucking plan for this to happen. Embarrassing you, disrespecting you like that - fuck fuck. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I did this to you, and to us."**

She shook her, finally standing up and looking away from Santana. "It's too late for that, Santana. I can't.." God, how was she supposed to forgive her wife for something like that? It was too much. Rachel felt completely betrayed, and just looking at Santana made her think about the pictures that were probably plastered over every media website Rachel could think of. Wiping away tears Rachel didn't even realize had fallen, she sniffled and then gazed into Santana's eyes. "I want you to leave."

"**You want me to …." Santana blinked almost stupidly, stunned. The thought that she would be kicked out of her home hadn't even entered her mind. She had considered that she'd sleep in the guest room or on the couch, but leave … that hadn't registered until Rachel was telling her to leave. "What? No. No. Just … I need the kids. I need you."**

"You need me? Maybe you should have thought about that before cheating on me, Santana." Blinking away the tears from her eyes, she swallowed roughly. "I can barely look at you right now without wanting to slap you." She crossed her arms in front of her, trying to comfort herself. "I need you to leave. I can't..I can't have you in this house right now."

"**Hit me then. If that's what will make you feel better, hit me." Santana's nose flared, tears falling freely from her eyes as she stood ready to absorb the brunt of Rachel's anger. "What about the kids? I want to see them. I need to see them before I have to finish these last two damn shows."**

"I can't hit you!" She raised her voice, and clutched her chest as she sobbed softly. She had never felt so betrayed before, and it hurt more because it was her wife. Trying to catch her breath through her sobs, she ran her fingers through her hair. "You...you can't. They're at my fathers and they're staying there until this media frenzy calms down."

"**Don't. Don't do this. They are my kids too." Santana felt her chest explode, what was left of her heart being ripped in half. Sobbing, Santana pleaded like she had never done before. It was barely a whisper, but she forced the sounds through her tight emotions. "I hurt you. I did this to you and that's on me, but those are my kids. Please. I'll do whatever you want. I haven't seen them in six weeks other than that fucking computer screen. Please."**

Rachel could see how upset Santana was. Despite everything that had happened, and everything Santana had done, she was still a great mother. Her kids always came first, as much as they could with her career. "They're with my parents, Santana." Taking a deep breath, she continued. "I want to keep them away from this house until...until things die down." Gazing down at the ground, she swallowed roughly. "You can visit them if you want, I'm not going to stop you."

**The pain in her chest eased up the tiniest bit as Rachel threw her this little life line. Sure, she would have to deal with the Berry dads' wrath, but she would get to see the kids and that's what mattered most. "I'm not giving up on you and us. I'm going to leave here tonight because you've asked me to, but I will fight for our family. I have to finish the tour stops, but then I'm going to come back here and earn your trust back."**

Rachel shook her head, frowning deeply at Santana. "I don't want you to fight for me, Santana. I need you to give me space." Placing her hand on her chest, she let out a shaky breath. "The moment you slept with that woman was the moment you gave up on us. I don't know how I'm supposed to forgive you for that."

**Nodding, Santana studied Rachel's face - the stress lines and red puffy eyes - memorizing the look of hurt clouding her vision. This was her cross to bear, the very fact that she had caused her wife this much pain over something that meant less than nothing and was so so selfish. "I don't know, but I'm not giving up. I can't. I love you. I made a colossal mistake and I'll do everything I can to make up for it. Time, distance, both. I don't know, but you and the kids are my family."**

"Santana, please..." Walking back over to the couch, Rachel sat back down and cuddled into the blanket she had used before. "...just go. I can't ..." Shaking her head again, fresh tears fell from her eyes. "...I can't be around you. I need you to leave now." Their dog cuddled into Rachel as close as he could. He was Santana's dog. They wouldn't have had him if it weren't for her. But even he knew that in that moment, Santana had done wrong.

**A broken sob tore from her chest and Santana dropped her head. She knew she had to follow Rachel's directive for now and give her her space. Saying nothing else, Santana grabbed the keys to the smaller of the two sedans they owned and wheeled her travel bag to the car. Dropping into the front seat, Santana laid her head on the steering wheel tears flowing freely. How long she stayed like this she didn't know, but once the tears stopped falling and her vision cleared, Santana slowly pulled away from the house in the direction of Quinn's. Quinn would hate her for breaking Rachel's heart, but she'd let her stay without too many questions for tonight at least.**


	2. Chapter 2

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Bold entries are for Santana and non-bolded for Rachel.

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

I've rated the story T for now for language and theme, but that will more than likely go up to an M at some point.

CHAPTER 2

"Aria, don't run!" Rachel sighed as they were brought back stage by one of the runners. It was Santana's first night on the tour in New York. She was playing Madison Square Garden a total of two nights, as the first night had sold out in minutes. Rachel had promised the kids that she would bring them to see their mother perform way before the rumours of their relationship hit the press. She couldn't go back on her word now - no matter how upset and angry she was with her wife.

"I'm not running! I'm walking fast!" Aria yelled behind her as she skipping in front of everyone. She didn't know the way to Santana's dressing room but she didn't care. She was too excited to care.

Rachel held their little boy on her hip. The kids were both dressed in their special t-shirts they had custom made just for this event, complete with special earmuffs in case things got too loud. Wyatt was a shy little guy, and didn't like loud noises very much. But he was determined to see his mother up on the stage.

As they reached a door that said 'Dressing Room One - Santana-Berry-Lopez', the runner typed in the code he needed to get in and opened the door for Santana's family.

"Mama!" Aria exclaimed, running towards Santana as fast as she could.

**Santana was bubbling with excitement anticipating the arrival of Rachel and the kids. From the moment Rachel had texted to say she was bringing them to watch night one's show, Santana had been busting at the seams. Aria loved watching her perform on stage and there was always at least one song dedicated to them the nights they could be there. **

**Two shows and she could spend her time fixing her family and hitting the studio. Just two shows. A few nights ago Santana had called a meeting with Brittany, the blonde dancer, but made sure her manager was present as a witness and buffer. During that meeting, Santana had apologized for her behavior, for the shit storm of media attention it had created and told her that she would be kept on for the balance of her contract but that they would not be alone at all during that time. Brittany had agreed to the terms without question and Santana prayed the consequences of her indiscretion would now be limited to her and her family, and of course the trial of public opinion.**

**After her warm up exercises and stage visualization, Santana kicked back with a vitamin water to chill before the show. Activity backstage was picking up if the increased traffic outside her door was any indication but any further musing was cut off as she heard the keypad beeps and watched the door open. **

**Santana's feet barely hit the floor before she was met with the low flying missile that was definitely her daughter. Catching the young girl in her arms, Santana wrapped her arms around Aria's small body and held her close, kissing the top of her head.**

"**Hey, mija. How's my girl today?"**

"**I missed you, mama."**

"**I missed you and Wyatt too, baby. So much. Only one more show after tonight."**

"**What about mommy? Didn't you miss her too?"**

**Santana's eyes immediately flew to Rachel's registering the deep hurt in them. "Of course I did. I always miss all three of you."**

**Santana motioned toward Rachel and Wyatt, standing up with Aria clinging to her body. "Hey, how's my little man? Can mama have a hug?"**

**Wyatt shook his head and ducked his chin under Rachel's arm hiding from Santana.**

Rachel suddenly became very interested in the floor when Aria asked her question. She wasn't ready to hear that Santana missed her. They still had so much to talk about. Rachel wasn't there for Santana. She was there for her children, and to keep the promise she had made to them.

When she felt Wyatt hide, she rubbed his back gently, kissing the top of his head. "It's okay, little man." She lifted her gaze to look into Santana's eyes and quietly said. "He's just ...he's been in a weird mood since he's been at my parents. He'll come around."

"Mama, are you coming home tonight? We can all stay together!" Aria said excitedly, jumping up and down on the balls of her feet. Rachel had done her best to keep the little girl away from the press, so she really didn't have any idea what was going on.

**Santana swallowed hard at Rachel's explanation, tears threatening to overwhelm her. Wyatt was much more shy than Aria and tended to be exceptionally empathetic with other's emotions too. Leaning in close, Santana kissed the top of her son's head and whispered "I love you, Wyatt. Missed you." **

**Santana's heart jumped realizing how close she was to Rachel, closer than she had been in at least a month maybe two or more. She could smell the woman's hair products and the way they mixed so uniquely with the smell of … well, Rachel. "Sorry." The apology was mumbled as she quickly retreated out of Rachel's personal space. Increasing the distance between them, Santana shifted her focus and concentration to her daughter. **

"**Not tonight, mija. Aunt Quinn is being needy and I have to help her do some things, but hopefully soon." Santana hated lying to the kids, but admitting she was a cheating bitch who had hurt their other mother seemed like a worse alternative. "After the show tomorrow night, maybe you and Wyatt can come over to Aunt Quinn's too."**

Rachel's heart skipped a beat when she realized just how close Santana was. The familiar scent of her perfume made a shiver run down her spine. Rachel swallowed roughly and turned her head at Santana's apology. She didn't want to hear it.

Aria's eyes lit up and she immediately turned to Rachel. When it came to parenting, Rachel was always the bad guy. If there was something to say no to, it was always left up to Rachel, and Aria and Wyatt had soon caught on. "Please, Mommy…"

Sighing deeply, Rachel felt like she had no choice but to say yes to the little girl. Her eyes were big, and she wore her signature pout, that wasn't too far from her wife's. "We'll see what happens tomorrow. Okay, baby girl?" It was about as close to a yes that Aria was going to get, and she knew it. Nodding her head gently, she cuddled into her mother again. Seeing Aria and Santana next to each other always made Rachel's heart swell. The little girl was so much like the woman in every single way. She looked just like Santana when she was younger, only with curlier hair and a slightly bigger nose - one exactly like Rachel's. She had the same short temper as Santana, and loved just like her mother did too - passionately, and with no breaks to stop herself from getting hurt. She was a little diva in every meaning of the word and Rachel wouldn't have it any other way.

Wyatt, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. He was shy, not very good with words, and so very clingy. He shared traits with both of them, but looked more like Rachel's side of the family. Just like his sister, he loved passionately, with a heart bigger than any boy of two should be capable of. But unlike Rachel and Aria, he didn't trust people very much. He was always wary about the things happening around him, and if you made him a promise but didn't stick to it, he would have a hard time trusting that person again, just like Santana.

"**Don't worry, baby girl. I'm through with the tour for a while and will be around." Santana playfully bopped Aria's nose and smiled as her little girl giggled. **

"**I've missed this so much. Even though you both talked to me on skype every day, I couldn't do this." Santana wrapped her arms around Aria kissing her cheek before reaching for Wyatt again. This time Santana refused to be deterred. The little guy had had a few minutes with Rachel, time to warm up a little and without much hesitation, he tucked himself against Santana and his sister. **

**Flopping onto the couch with both of the kids, Santana stole a quick glance in Rachel's direction. The other woman was reading the posters on the wall, the titles of the magazines - pretty much anything that meant she didn't have to actually make eye contact with her. "Any song requests tonight?"**

Wyatt glanced up at Santana with his big, brown eyes and softly said "Rainbow Connection?"

It was a song Santana had sung many times before. Almost every night, to be more precise. It was their song, their bedtime ritual. If it wasn't Santana, it was Rachel that sang the lullaby to them before bed.

Aria nodded excitedly, cuddling into Santana. "Yes, Mama! Please sing that one."

Rachel couldn't look behind her at her children with Santana. Through everything, Santana had always put the kids first. It was a promise they had made to each other before they even thought about having children. The only mistake Santana had made was letting the press get ahold of the rumours about her and Brittany. Not only did it affect Rachel, but it affected their children too. Years from now, they'd see the magazine that broke their family apart.

**There was a light tap on her dressing room door and a voice called through without opening it, "30 minutes to places." Santana's heart wrenched hard, stomach knotting. She wanted to throw herself on the floor, refuse to let go of this moment, pretend for a little longer that everything was okay as long as she had her family right now. Thirty minutes would not be enough time with the kids and Rachel and she could only hope that Rachel agreed to let them stay to the end so that she could hug and kiss them again before they left.**

"**You want the Frog's song, Wyatt? For a teeny tiny price - a kiss from my prince and one from my princess, that will be your song." Santana teased presenting her cheek first to Aria who made a production of pursing her lips and planting them with a loud smack. It was in these little moments that their daughter was just like Rachel. Turning to the other side, Wyatt shyly pecked her cheek leaving behind a tiny spot of drool in his wake. "Now you gots to sing it."**

"**So right. I've gots to because I collected my kisses." Santana re-positioned Wyatt more firmly on her lap and held him close. The boy's hair was an unruly mop top and as cute as can be. Aria slid from the couch and began to nose around the dressing room.**

Turning around and taking Santana in for one of the first times that night, Rachel swallowed roughly. She hated how much Santana could still affect her body. It wasn't fair anymore. Santana didn't deserve that satisfaction. But Rachel just couldn't help it. She sighed deeply as she took in the way Santana's hair had been styled to perfection. She really did look good, and it killed her. The only satisfaction she had was that she looked just as good, and hoped that her wife was kicking herself.

Walking over to the small fridge, she grabbed a water before watching her daughter rummage through Santana's bag. She really was her mother's daughter.

"Baby girl, you know you're not supposed to go through people's things, right?" Rachel raised her brow.

Aria just gave Rachel a sheepish smile before continuing what she was doing, taking out Santana's lipgloss and putting it on. "Now I have lips like Mama!" She said, before smacking them together.

Wyatt, cuddled into Santana, looked up through his brown eyes and it was obvious he wanted to tell her something. But biting his lip, he thought better of it and again, buried his face in Santana's chest.

"**Listen to your mommy." Santana gently admonished her daughter with only the slightest hint of amusement in her tone. She knew from experience and many many lectures that she had a responsibility to back up Rachel in parenting things, but she was more than a little proud of Aria's sense of self. "Don't be kissing anyone with that on or everyone will see your lip print on their cheek."**

**Gently stroking Wyatt's back and kissing the top of his head, Santana held her little boy against her waiting for him to find his voice. "You okay, Wy?"**

He pulled back just enough to look into Santana's eyes. "Just missed you.." He replied, cuddling back into her. He wasn't usually one to speak about his emotions, but it was obvious he was having a difficult time with Santana being away.

Rachel's eyes dared to well up with tears, and she cleared her throat before walking over to her daughter. "We should probably let Mama get ready for her show and find our seats, huh?"

Aria pouted deeply. "Do we have to?" She said, sighing and looking up at Santana for confirmation.

**Santana held Wyatt up against her body, kissed his head and whispered "I missed you too. Every day I was away."**

**She dared to glance at Rachel, tears in her eyes but she forced herself to blink them back. The makeup crew would kick her ass if she made them re-do it this close to show time. "Your - your mommy is right, mija. Go get your seats and settle in. I have a very special song to sing. You'll have to pay extra special attention so you don't miss it."**

**Aria dropped her chin to her chest, shoulders sagging in an exaggerated sulk but she plodded over to Santana and threw herself into one last hug. "Break a leg, mami." **

**Pushing herself from the couch, Santana transferred Wyatt to Rachel with one last kiss to both of the kids. Leaning in, she whispered low enough for only Rachel to hear. "Thanks for getting them to the show, Rach. Please. Please stay until the end. I want to hear their reaction to their song."**

Rachel moved away from Santana quickly, clearing her throat as she looked away from her. "We...we'll see, Santana." She wasn't able to yes. Santana didn't deserve to hear those words. She wasn't going to leave before saying goodbye, but Santana didn't need to know that. "It's a long night..."

Turning towards her daughter, Rachel held out her hand for her. "C'mon, baby girl. Before it gets too busy."

Frowning, Aria sighed dramatically before taking her mother's hand. "Bye, Mama..."

Turning around to face Santana, Rachel took a deep breath before gazing into her eyes. "Break a leg, Santana..." The show was going to be hard for her to watch. Watching Santana in her element, and then seeing Brittany up on stage with her would be torture. But her kids wanted to go, and they came first. So Rachel would suck it up and do it for them. Not for Santana, but for them. And as Wyatt waved goodbye, she lead both of her kids outside, searching for a runner to help them find their seats.


	3. Chapter 3

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. At a request, the bolds are removed for this entry, but if the POV shifts are too much to process without out them, tell me and back they will go.

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

The captain has turned on the seat belt sign.

* * *

Pancakes, oatmeal, eggs, fruit salad, shots of green juice, orange juice - there was food everywhere as Santana set the table. She wanted everything to be perfect. The tour was officially over and she had a few days to herself before she needed to hit the studio to listen to some demos. Waking up this morning, Santana had been struck by inspiration. Many times in the past after a tour, Santana would wake up early and surprise Rachel and then Rachel and the kids with breakfast. It had become somewhat of a tradition and as she woke that morning in Quinn's guestroom, Santana had been hit square in the face with the need to uphold it.

Throwing on yoga pants and a sweatshirt, she had rushed over letting herself into the still quiet house with her key. Quiet was attempted, but there really was nothing quiet about the juicer or metal pans on a stovetop. Santana only prayed that Rachel, Aria, and Wyatt were all in the deep part of their sleep until she was ready to go up and wake them. She planned to sneak into Aria's room and send her to wake Rachel while she roused Wyatt.

That plan however was derailed by the sound of a throat clearing from a clearly unimpressed Rachel standing in the doorway a disapproving glare pointed in Santana's direction.

The previous night, Rachel and the kids had gone to Santana's last show. After the first night, the kids had been so excited that they had wanted to go again. It was a tradition that they all went to Santana's last show of her tour, no matter where it was. It had been an emotional night for everyone involved. Rachel had passed Brittany in the hall and if looks could kill, she would have died twice. It had put Rachel off all night, but she had managed to keep her act together for the kids. At least until Santana sang of cover of Queen's 'Save Me' dedicated to 'someone special' and she lost it. Tears fell from her eyes and when Aria asked what was wrong. She played it off.

They didn't hit the after party. Rachel had the excuse of the children needing to go home, so she was lucky. She was hoping for a long lie, as it was the start of the weekend. But when she heard a noise coming from downstairs in the kitchen, she quickly got up and made her way there, thinking Aria was fooling about. It wasn't until she was stood in the doorway that she was met with Santana, and she glared deeply at her. How dare she let herself in when Rachel asked her to leave. "What are you doing here? I thought I asked you to leave.."

The knot of anticipation turned quickly to dread at the icy tone dripping from Rachel's tone.

"You asked me to leave, and I left. I'm crashing at Quinn's. Not staying here." Santana continued to arrange the breakfast items on the table as if her world were not tipping on its axis. "Post tour breakfast is tradition, Rachel. The only time I haven't done this was the first year after we were married and I got food poisoning at the after party."

Standing up tall, Santana motioned toward the table. "Just … just sit down and eat it, okay. It's breakfast for you and the kids that you didn't have to cook. A little normalcy for everyone."

Rachel shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her as she leaned back against the doorframe. "No, Santana. You can't just barge in here anymore, okay? If this was your plan, you should have told me. Because I would have said no." Rachel said firmly. Even though her words stated that she didn't want the breakfast Santana had made, her eyes glanced at the table and her stomach rumbled, letting both her and Santana know that she was hungry.

"I didn't have a plan. I woke up alone across town and all I could think about was the breakfast tradition." Santana hated how small her voice sounded, how out of her depth she felt in each and every situation right now. "It wasn't meant to be anything against you. The rules aren't very clear here, you know? I wanted to do something nice, something normal and usual for you and the kids. That's all."

Santana held Rachel's gaze refusing to back down on this one point. She could be just as stubborn as Rachel and was going to wait this out. "Eat."

"You woke up alone because you broke this family, Santana." Rachel spoke, her tone a little icier than she had intended. "Look, I appreciate that you wanted to do something normal for the kids. They're happy to have you back. But not this. That was a family tradition, and that's not what we are right now. You can't just waltz in here and expect me to forgive you because you made breakfast." Gazing into Santana's eyes, she continued. "Especially after last night. That song, Santana? You had no right to sing that to me." Rachel thought she was in control of her emotions, but the longer she spoke, the more difficult it became. "That wasn't fair." Her voice broke at her last sentence.

"I know I broke our family. I know. I wasn't blaming you for me being at Q's." Santana huffed a little in annoyance as Rachel refused to budge even an inch. "Fuck. I know we aren't a family right now. Nothing feels right. Breakfast is a gesture, no a be all end all. I don't expect you to suddenly take me back and forgive me, but I'm trying. I'm just trying to show you that I'm sorry and will keep trying to do that."

Tears began to form in Santana's eyes and she took a deep breath before they could roll down her cheeks. Rachel's hurt, her tears and broken voice, they cut through Santana worse than a knife ever could carving her into tiny little pieces. "The song was … it was me laying it out there for you. I'm naked in front of you, completely bare. That's all."

"Santana, you're not getting it! I don't want you to try. I'm not ready. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you. Not right now." Rachel frowned deeply, letting out a shaky breath. "If you want to see the kids, then you can take them out whenever you want, as long as it's not something public. But right now, I need to be alone. So please.." The question was left unfinished, but it was obvious where Rachel was going with it. She wanted Santana to leave.

And there it was again, the deep seated hurt in Rachel's tone, proportionate to the level of pain Santana had created. Her stomach twisted, heart broken as tears streamed in long trails down her cheeks. It was over. Santana couldn't process the words 'right now' only the unspoken request to go, the hushed please and the devastating finality of all of this coming to a head.

Santana stared at the floor a few more seconds praying for the strength to walk on her own feet toward the car. "Tell the kids …. Tell the kids I love them." Her voice broke, a pained sob tearing through the words. "I'll text you to schedule some time to take them out."


	4. Chapter 4

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. At a request, the bolds are removed for this entry, but if the POV shifts are too much to process without them, tell me and back they will go.

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

This part includes a butt kicking conversation between Quinn and Santana. Still a bumpy ride …..

* * *

"Fuck off and go away!" Santana growled through the closed door pulling the covers over her head. After leaving the house the other day following the breakfast, she had barely paused to remove her shoes before crawling into the bed. For three days, she had refused to leave Quinn's guest room for longer than necessary to use the restroom. Not showering or combing her hair, barely eating and certainly not talking to anyone.

A few times she had picked up her phone to text Rachel, to ask her to see the kids or tell them she missed them but when no words would come, Santana threw the phone back to the nightstand and hid under the blankets again.

The banging on the bedroom door was getting louder and more insistent and really pissing her off. "Leave me the fuck alone. It's English, Quinn. I know you understand."

"Fuck this.." Quinn had had enough of Santana's moping around. It had been three days now and that was more than enough time to feel sorry for herself and figure out what she should do.

Opening the door, Quinn barged into the room, hands on her hips and glaring at the girl who was still in bed. "Okay, it's three in the afternoon. You've been in that bed since you got here. You need to get up."

"No." Santana grunted without even raising her head from its position under the pillow. She would throw that pillow at Quinn but that required too much effort and the sunlight would hurt her eyes. "Do have a point here? What's there to get up for? To see your face?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and walked over to the bed, pulling the duvet off of Santana. "I said get up. I'm not letting you mope around in self-pity. You were supposed to have a studio session this morning. Why didn't you go?"

Sighing, she ran her fingers through her now long hair. "Look, I get it, okay? What's happened is devastating, but you are the only one that can change it. No one else, Santana. You need to get up and go see your kids."

"What the hell was I going to do in the studio? Sort through love songs that will rip my heart out? Or maybe I should make an entire album about how I cheated on my wife and fucked up my life? I fucked everything up, Quinn. Everything." Santana rolled over with an exasperated huff. "Rachel told me to leave, that she didn't want to see me or talk to me. I need to schedule to pick my kids up and Wyatt, Wyatt wouldn't even come to me for the first 15 minutes they were backstage."

"Yes, that's exactly what you do. You could have at least written one song or something, Santana."

Shaking her head, Quinn sat down on the edge of the bed. "I can't even begin to tell you how mad I am at you for what you did. You cheated on one of my best friends." Gazing into her eyes, Quinn continued. "But you are also one of my best friends, and I know you must have had a reason for what you did. Rachel needs to know that if you want to work things out. And you can't let her dictate your time with the kids, okay? They are as much yours as they are hers and they need you in their lives. Especially if Wyatt was acting the way he was." Quinn gave Santana a stern look. "So you are going to get up, you're going to shower - because frankly, you stink - and you're going to go back to that house and not leave until you lay down some ground rules about this, okay? You need to fight for them."

"It hurts so much and I have no one's ass to kick but my own." Santana struggled to a sitting position, her arms and legs protesting the movement. Her stomach twisted with the now familiar nauseous waves. Tucking her knees to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them to hold her legs to her body. "Is there really going to be a good reason? I was angry, drunk, and lonely. Rachel and I … we haven't really been on the same page in months … even before the tour started. For weeks while I was out, she was rarely home to talk to me on our skype nights. Our calls would go unanswered. The ones with the kids happened, but ours apparently weren't important enough to her. Or that's how it felt I guess."

"It's not an excuse. I know it's not. The woman – she didn't exactly trip and fall on my dick. I barely remember the details of the night and felt damn ill when I woke up the next day, but I know I could have said no and didn't. This woman, a back-up dancer, she'd been flirty before and I know I flirted back but it was innocent flirting until that night. She made me feel wanted, Quinn. I hear how fucking lame that sounds, but it's the truth." Santana drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "The real pisser - Rachel seems more upset that it hit the tabloids than the fact I fucked someone else. I don't know what to do."

"So you've both been negligent of your relationship. Things like this … they happen if you don't communicate and work through problems." Quinn placed a hand on Santana's shoulder. "But it's not the end. You can still fight for them, Santana. It's obvious you still love Rachel, and if you ask me, Rachel seeming more pissed about it hitting the press is a sign she still loves you, too. She's concentrating on that because she doesn't want to face up to the fact that you hurt her. What you did was ..." She shook her head. "...it should have never happened. And there's no excuse. But there's reasoning behind it, and Rachel needs to know. Mistakes happen..."

"She forgave me a ton of high school shit, insults and obnoxious behavior. What if this was the last straw? A final thing that's just too much." Santana angrily wiped at the tears in her eyes. She thought she was all cried out but apparently that too was a lie. "Of course I love her – more than anything. And our family means everything to me. Those kids and parenting with her, it's more than I could have ever hoped I would have."

Shaking her head, Quinn stood up. "Okay, enough. You need to get your shit together, Santana. Forgiving you for what you did to her in high school wasn't even an issue for Rachel. She didn't have to think twice because you showed her that you had changed, and you were a better person. You need to show her that again. Out of everything you've done, everything you've achieved, nothing will ever come close to Rachel and those kids."

"Fine." Santana rocked herself toward a standing position grunting at the effort. Her body was screaming at her, pissed that she had refused to stretch and move prior. Her stomach growled though she couldn't be sure she was going to be able to eat. "If she sends me back here with my tail between my legs again, I'm blaming you."

"Fine by me. Now, seriously. Go shower. You don't want Rachel to have to wear a gas mask around you." Quinn stood up and made her way to the door. "And Santana ..." She gave her a stern look. "… if you hurt Rachel or those kids again, I'll cut off your dick." And with that, she turned around and made her way out of the room.

* * *

Letting out a deep sigh, Rachel leaned against the wall of the hallway in Aria's school. They had been summoned by her teacher for a quick chat. Aria hadn't been herself as of late, and there had been a small argument between her and another student. Luckily, after a quick chat with the teacher, and a sit down with Aria herself, it seemed as though things had worked out. Rachel would definitely be having another word with Aria later that evening, but she wanted the girl to get back to class.

Gazing into Santana's eyes, she frowned slightly. "It's only been a week and she's already acting up. What do we do?"

Santana stroked her forehead, blowing out a quick breath. Despite the quick shower, she knew she looked a mess. The unexpected text from Rachel to meet at Aria's school had been the kick in the ass she needed to pull herself together and actually get out of Quinn's apartment, but there was no hiding the dark circles under her eyes or the dullness of her skin.

"Aria is a pretty bright kid, intuitive. She knows something's up." Santana's stomach growled loudly, rumbling. "Do you … do you mind grabbing a sandwich with me? I've been … lazy about eating. We can hide in the park and talk away from prying eyes."

Rachel had to think about Santana's proposition. She wasn't sure if she was ready to have lunch with her...her wife? Could Rachel still call her that? Technically they were still married.

They could hide in the park across the road and talk. They definitely needed to work through things. She just wasn't sure if she was ready for it.

"I've already had lunch, but...we can talk. I'll need to pick Aria up in a bit anyway."

Santana bit back her disappointment at Rachel's obvious discomfort, but Quinn's voice from their morning talk was ringing in her head. They had to talk to each other, clear the air, and make a plan. If Rachel wanted to leave her, to not be around her, well … Santana would have to deal with that possible reality, but after the meeting with Aria's teacher, it was more than obvious they needed a plan for the kids because this wasn't working at all for any of them.

"I'm feeling a lot nauseous and a little faint, so you'll have to deal with me eating." Santana started off in the direction of the park glancing over her shoulder every few steps to see if Rachel was behind her. There was a food cart at the corner across from the park and she could get a fruit smoothie and a bagel. "You want anything?"

Rachel shook her head. She didn't want to make their talk seem like anything more than what it was. She needed to be able to leave whenever she wanted, and having food together wouldn't make it possible.

Once Santana had her food, she led them to a bench that wasn't around too many people. Sitting down, she swallowed roughly and bit her bottom lip.

Santana shook her head. This was getting to the point of ridiculous and they had barely cleared the park. Rachel appeared to want to be anywhere but right here. She wanted to know what they were going to do about their daughter but where usually Rachel was the one leading the discussions with many thoughts on every subject, the woman sitting across from her right now was saying nothing at all.

"Look. I screwed up so very badly. I know I did and I will apologize with every breath I take if that's what you want, but I have to know what you want from me." Santana blew out a breath and took a long sip of her smoothie. It was rolling around in her empty stomach and she prayed it would stay put. "You told me you didn't want to see or talk to me, you didn't want me to fight for you. Is this where we are? Is this our forever right here? Tell me what you want."

Rachel didn't look at the woman. She couldn't. If she did, she knew she would just burst into tears. Santana had screwed up, and yes, Rachel wanted her to feel bad. She wanted her to absolutely hate herself for what she did. But did she want the woman to fight for her? Was she ready for that? There was no doubt in her mind that she loved Santana. But she had hurt her in the worst way possible. Would she be able to trust her again?

"I...I don't know, Santana. I don't know what I want." She swallowed the lump her throat and then cleared it. "I'm so mad at you, Santana. And not...not because you slept with someone. But because I trusted you, and you stepped all over that. And I'm mad at myself.." Her voice broke and her eyes started to water. "...because I still love you. But I don't know if I can trust you again."

"Okay. I ... I can't fix it until you know what you want me to do." Santana sighed completely resigned knowing that for now she had lost Rachel. There was nothing she could do or say that would make a difference. "There are no excuses that would ever be good enough. I should have talked to you, tried harder to reach you instead of getting angry and then really drunk. And no matter how much I want to, I can't undo this or change it."

Santana sat on the bench staring at her lap for an untold amount of time. "The kids come first. They have to know we are still a united front and there for them. I want to go home with you this afternoon, talk to Aria about today. Play with Wyatt and tuck them both in. I'll leave after that with no pressure on your part. We will need a set schedule for when I can see them and one we will stick to. I'll be at Quinn's and they can be over there or I can be at the house with their things and you can step out."

Her tone was quiet. Her heart heavy, disappointment weighing her down. "I'm not giving up, but ... giving you the space to figure out what you want. I love you. I made the hugest mistake but I do love you."

Rachel blew out a shaky breath as she listened to Santana's monologue. She was saying all the right things, and even though she wanted to forgive her, Rachel just couldn't. It was too hard, and she wasn't ready yet.

But she could see Santana was trying, and by looking into her eyes, she could tell she wasn't lying. Santana truly was sorry, and she deserved to get to be a mother to her children properly. And the children deserved to have Santana around.

"I think you should stay in the guest bedroom." Rachel said after a while. "I'm not ready to forgive you, and I don't know where we stand, or even what I want, but today has made me realize this is affecting the kids more than I thought. So you can stay there, at least for now. But that's it, Santana. It doesn't mean we're back together, or even that we ever will be. But you're right, the kids come first. And this is the best thing for them."

Santana's head popped up almost comically, eyes wide, mouth open. "What? Wait. Nope. Not letting you take it back."

Santana allowed herself to draw a deeper breath and take a bite of her bagel. This was far more than she had even thought to hope would result.

"I understand. I'll get my things from Quinn's tomorrow." Santana felt tears in her eyes again as she was overwhelmed by the roller coaster of emotions of the last few minutes.

"Thank you." It was whispered but heartfelt and Santana appreciated this chance she was being given to be with the kids no matter how difficult it would be to be around Rachel but not with her.

Rachel looked Santana sternly in the eye. "I'm doing this for the kids, okay? That's the only reason I'm doing it."

Rachel still had to keep her stance. She wasn't letting Santana back into her life that easily. She was going to have to fight and show Rachel that she wasn't going to give up and just let them be, no matter how much Rachel protested.

"I...I need to ask you something, Santana."

"Understood. I promise. This is for the kids." Santana meant every word of that. She would do anything for her daughter and son. This living arrangement would be difficult but for them, for herself, she would push through.

Brows furrowed, Santana couldn't imagine what Rachel wanted to ask. "What do you want to know?"

Looking away from her wife, Rachel suddenly took a great interest in the kite that a kid was flying not too far from them.

"Why did you do it, Santana? I just...I don't understand." This time, she couldn't help how her eyes welled up. "We talked about cheating before. Promised each other we would never do that to each other..."

Santana watched Rachel struggle with her question, heard the tears in her voice and her stomach knotted again.

"I'm going to be totally honest because you're asking and deserve nothing less than that. But first know that this is not me trying to excuse my behavior." Santana played with her fingers trying to find her words. "We missed our call again. It felt like the zillionth time and I was hurt and angry. I started to drink, taking shots and she was there making me feel wanted."

Tears fell unbidden down her cheeks as she continued. "I hate myself for doing this to you."

"I don't want your self pity, Santana." Swallowing roughly, Rachel blinked away her tears. It was Rachel's fault they had missed that call. She had gone to dinner with her castmates, and hadn't given it a second thought. Maybe she should have. Maybe Santana wouldn't have slept with that woman if she hadn't. It only made her realize that maybe she was also to blame for what had happened.

"I missed that call that night, Santana. It was my fault."

"No. This was not your fault. Being angry. Being hurt. That's on me to talk to you about not to cheat on you. That was my mistake completely." Santana's tone was firm and didn't leave room for argument. "I should have used my words like a big girl when we started not talking to each other."

Rachel nodded, wiping away her tears roughly before standing up. "We uh...we should go get Aria."

It was an easy out, but Rachel needed it. She couldn't sit and talk about her emotions and feelings anymore. And luckily, it actually was time to meet the little girl.

Santana checked her phone and nodded. She was moving into the guestroom and they would have time to process all of these emotions and issues now. "Let's go get our girl and dismiss the nanny for the day."


	5. Chapter 5

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. At a request, the bolds are removed for this entry, but if the POV shifts are too much to process without them, tell me and back they will go.

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

A little interlude with the kids.

* * *

"And there." Santana set the final corner of the fort in place over the back of the couch in the living room. It was nothing close to perfect, but from the look of awe on Wyatt's face and the not so subtle hopping in Aria's direction, she didn't think that would matter too much. Rachel had left an hour ago for a lunch appointment and Aria had requested a picnic, but due to the rain and chill, Santana had offered up a living room oasis.

"Well?" Santana quirked a questioning brow in the direction of her oldest. "Will this do in a pinch?"

"If I say yes, can we have cookies too?" Aria's brow also ticked upward and Santana was a goner.

"Only after you eat your lunch, master negotiator." Santana held out a hand for Wyatt and gently ushered him inside the smaller space. The throw pillows and a couple of blankets were piled inside, arranged haphazardly. "Wyatt, I'm going to get our lunch basket and some books. You want to move the pillows around the outside?"

Aria ducked inside, hands full of a couple of short story books with pictures. "Help your brother, mija. Grabbing the food."

"Don't forget the cookies. Lots of cookies."

Wyatt picked up a pillow that was almost as big as him. But being the independent little guy he was, he wanted to sort them by himself.

Aria rolled her eyes, just like Santana would do and crouched over to him. "You can't pick those up!"

Wyatt tried to narrow his eyes at his sister, but it didn't really work very well. "I can do it!" Wobbling over to the other side of the fort, he plopped himself down with the pillow. "See?"

Santana stood just outside the fort a small assortment of snacks and fruit basket in her hands to go with the sandwiches. Biting her lip, she struggled not to giggle at just how much the kids sounded like her and Rachel. Wyatt's independence and Aria's overall demeanor never failed to remind her that they were a perfect combination of their two parents.

Santana pushed the bag and basket inside and crawled in to settle on the now arranged pillows.

"Great work there, little man. Put it there." Santana fist bumped the boy, appreciating his self-satisfied toothy little smirk.

"And you, little miss," Santana kept her tone a little sharper enjoying the defiant little glare thrown her way, "took good care of your brother and the fort. That's a checkmark toward earning these cookies."

Aria grinned, throwing her hands up in the air and shaking her little hips in celebration. She quickly grabbed a smaller pillow before plopping herself down on the ground with it. "What kind of sandwich do I have, Mama?"

"Me too, Mama!" Wyatt exclaimed, holding his little hand out for the food Santana had. He was a big eater, being the only boy in the house.

"When is Mommy coming home, Mama?" Aria asked inquisitively. She always liked to know what was going on.

"Hmmm - what would I have made for my two favoritest people in whoooooole wide world?" Santana made a show of looking into the depth of the basket opening and closing the lid numerous times and sniffing the inside like a puppy. Both kids giggled at the antics. The fort, the picnic, and those sweet sweet giggles made her feel lighter than she had weeks and especially the last 2. "It smells like …."

Santana lifted her brow and sniffed again, slamming the lid shut. "It smells like dirty feet. I think I made sock sandwiches. Doesn't that sound yummy?"

With a small giggle of her own, Santana pulled the actual sandwiches from the basket and inspected each. "Almond butter, no jelly, no crust for Wyatt. Almond butter and sliced banana with crust for Aria."

"Mommy had a lunch meeting, mija, but I think she'll be less than an hour."

Wyatt giggled loudly when Santana had mentioned that she had made sock sandwiches. He knew she was kidding, but he loved it anyway. He had gotten a lot more comfortable around Santana since she had returned home, and was happy to be left alone with her. "You didn't!"

Both kids each took their sandwich from their mother, taking their first bites.

Aria moaned in appreciation, bouncing her legs up and down. "M'kay, Mama."

Wyatt gazed at the books in front of his feet and then to Santana. "Can we has a story, Mama?"

Aria's eyes widened. "Yes, Mama! Can you tell us the story about you and Mommy?" They had both heard the story of how their parents met millions of times, but it never seemed to get old. They always wanted to hear it again.

"A story? Hmmm." Santana tapped her chin pretending to be lost contemplating their request. "I suppose for you two tiny people I might be able to come up with something."

Santana re-arranged the pillows so that her back was propped against the wall and the kids were on opposite sides of her body. With a light loving touch to the top of each of their heads, she started in with the tale. "I met your mommy on the playground at school when we were 10. The end."

As Santana concluded the exceptionally abbreviated version, Aria huffed out her indignance and added a diva foot tap to boot. "The longer one, Mamma. Seriously."

Wyatt nodded his agreement and slowly curled himself against Santana's side rolling the material of her shirt between his fingers as he would his blanket when he got tired.

"Since you asked so nicely, baby girl." Santana patted her other side and the three became a huge cuddle pile as she began the slightly longer version. "We were about 10 and at the playground. A little boy with a terrible haircut was chasing your mommy around the swings so I tripped him before he could pull her pigtail again. Your mommy lectured me for a long time on how much she disliked violence and there was never a need to hurt any living creature in that way. I got bored after the first 5 minutes and after 10 I cut in and said 'You're Welcome'. She opened and closed her mouth a few times and then asked if I wanted half of her almond butter sandwich."

Wyatt's mouth fell open and he held out his sandwich. "That's what I'm eating!" He then continued to cuddle into Santana. Wyatt was a very needy little boy. He loved being hugged and needed to be around one of his parents all the time.

Aria grinned brightly before taking a bite of her sandwich. With her mouth full, she replied. "I love that story!"

After a long lunch meeting, Rachel slipped her key into the keyhole and turned it to open the door. Her meeting had gone well - the producer of her new show wanted to meet up and make sure things were going okay before opening night - and now she was ready to spend time with her kids. "Mommy's home!" She exclaimed as she hung her coat up in the hall. Walking through the house, she tried to find where her kids were. "Babies..?"

It wasn't until she made her way into the living room that she saw the fort that had been built. Furrowing her brow with an amused smile, she asked. "Has someone built a fort?"

"Shhh. There's a cookie monster outside the tent." Santana put her finger over her lips and smiled broadly as she hushed the kids.

Of course, that worked not at all as Wyatt yelled out. "In here, Mommy" and Aria couldn't control her giggles as she became a sarcastic smart ass "There's no tent. It's a filament - no, uhmm - a figment of your 'magination."

"Well you two are not very good at hiding. Remind me to never be on your team during hide and seek." Santana playfully admonished the children tickling their stomachs lightly and grinning at their giggles. "If she steals the cookies, it's on you."

Rachel couldn't help the giggle that escaped her. Her heart swelled with love for her children. Rachel's life had completely changed since their birth. She couldn't love anyone as much as she did them. They were the best thing that had ever happened to her.

"Do I here little monster voices coming from inside this fort?" Rachel said with a smile as she made her way over to it.

Wyatt giggled loudly, cuddling into Santana as he waited for his mother to enter the fort.

"Mommy, you can't steal all my cookies!" Aria said sternly as she headed to the opening, stopping Rachel coming in with a smile.

"Oh, really?" Rachel giggled as she leaned in closer and began tickling the girl as she made her way inside.

"No! No tickling. Mooooommmy!" Aria squealed and shifted as much as she could as she tried to escape from Rachel.

"Really! Cookies are an essential fort food and must be shared." Santana piped in with a gentle smile on her face. She had been a little worried that things would go immediately to a weird place once Rachel got home, but so far things were even enough.

Wyatt's eyes got really big watching his mommy tickle his sister and he clutched at Santana to save him. "Mama told us again how you like-ted almond butter sandwiches too. Like me. And that you shared-ed with her because she saved you from a boy. Want mine?"

Rachel's eyes widened in mock-surprise. "Did she?" She glanced towards her wife and gave her a small smile. "You're such a sweet little boy.." Shuffling into the tent, Rachel sat beside Wyatt and cuddled into him. "I hope you one day save your future wife from a mean boy and share your almond butter sandwich with her." She tickled his toes and bit her lip. She couldn't believe how long she had known Santana. Since they were little kids. They had had their ups and downs, but somehow they had always stayed together, and thinking about the fact that they weren't in a good place made her upset and nostalgic.

"Food is an amazing positive reinforcement. No matter how bada …. uhm - tough someone thinks they are, they'll keep doing ridiculous things for sandwiches and cookies." Santana scooted towards Aria giving Rachel and Wyatt a little more room, but the fort wasn't exactly the largest of spaces. She didn't fail to notice the slightly pained, but somewhat reminiscent expression as it passed over Rachel's features, but the woman schooled herself so quickly that it barely had time to fully register. "You want to read to us while I distribute the cookies? Little dude is closing in on his naptime and I think the princess could use a little quiet time after the story too."

Rachel ran her fingers through Wyatt's messy, curly hair and kissed his forehead. "What story do you want, little man?" She leaned forward and grabbed a few books from in front of her. "How about Ferdinand the Bull?"

Rachel had always said Wyatt was her little Ferdinand. She was almost certain he was going to grow up to be a big, strong guy. But he had a heart of gold and wouldn't even dare to think about hurting someone.

Wyatt nodded his head gently and crawled up onto her knee, cuddling into her. "Yes, please."

"Okay.." She put the other books down and opened that one. "Right.." Smiling, she opened to the first page. "Once upon a time in Spain there was a little bull and his name was Ferdinand. All the other little bulls he lived with would run and jump and butt their heads together, but not Ferdinand."

Santana heard Aria groan out feigned indifference at having to hear Wyatt's favorite story for the zillionth time, but the little girl was paying rapt attention all the same. Reaching to the bag, she snagged the container with the chocolate chip cookies in it and handed one to both kids and placing one on a napkin close to Rachel's hip.

"That's only yours if you ate all your lunch." Santana whispered loudly enough to be heard but hopefully not so loud that she got scolded to interrupting the story. That said, the cute little giggle and smile on her daughter's face would have made that worth it too.

Crooking her index finger, Santana motioned for Aria to cuddle into her side as she burrowed her shoulder against the throw pillows closing her eyes as she took small bites of her cookie while listening to Rachel's perfectly dramatic interpretative reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. At a request, the bolds are removed for this entry, but if the POV shifts are too much to process without them, tell me and back they will go.

Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

* * *

After putting the kids to bed, Rachel had decided to curl up on the couch to catch up on the reality shows she followed. It was her way to chill out, and forget about her problems as she watched the problems of people who she didn't even know - and those were far worse.

Popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth, her eyes were glued to the TV as she cuddled into their dog.

After a little over a month of being back home from tour and moved into the guestroom, they had settled into a little nighttime routine of sorts. On the nights they were both home, they would tuck the kids in with a story and a quick song and then move along with their evening separately. Usually Santana would tuck into the guestroom, throw on her headphones and try to channel her emotions into composing or listening to the demo tapes her team had culled through, but tonight her mind just wasn't there. Removing the headphones, Santana tossed them lightly onto the small desk and headed toward the kitchen and living room area.

"Is that popcorn I smell?" Taking a few steps toward the couch, she stopped herself before she simply flopped down out of instinct alone. "Is it … can I join you?"

Rachel glanced up into Santana's eyes and quickly nodded. Over the past month, it had become much easier for her to be around Santana. She had still cheated on her, and it still hurt more than anything she had felt before, but things were slowly becoming less awkward. They shared family dinners together, went to all the kids' things together, and had slowly gotten into a routine.

Passing the popcorn bowl over to Santana, Rachel turned her gaze back to the TV. "Can you believe the strange habits people have?"

Settling onto the couch next to Rachel, Santana grabbed a few pieces of popcorn and glanced at the tv. Rolling her eyes, she gave a playful groan. "And yet we watch."

Reality tv was a guilty pleasure that had started for them a while back. It was Rachel's escape and Santana followed along for not other reason than she could make fun of people and be snarky without facing Rachel's wrath.

"What's this one? People hoarding things? Eating paste?"

"She eats glue. I don't know how she's still alive.." Rachel replied, chuckling. Scooting closer to Santana, she grabbed a handful of popcorn and popped it into her mouth.

"How's songwriting going?" Rachel knew Santana was stuck in a rut, so to speak. She was struggling to write new material, and her label had given her a deadline she had to stick by.

"Because her insides are forever preserved in their current state." Santana cringed a little thinking about someone ingesting glue as a primary source of nutrition. It was down right alarming.

Out of habit, some form of instinct, Santana lifted the popcorn bowl and settled it along her thigh so they could share without anyone having to reach too far. It had been months – maybe as many as eight or nine if she really thought about it – since they had last shared popcorn and de-stressed together like this. They had been focusing so hard on the kids and their careers that time together had taken a back seat at best.

"It's not good. Everything I'm writing myself is …. Flat or over the top. There's no in between." Santana rubbed her thumb along her forehead. "I have to find a place inside or the label is going to push me away from any originals. I haven't had to do that since the first album. It's kind of a signature to have my own stuff on there – heartfelt stuff."

Rachel's only acknowledgement to Santana pushing the popcorn closer to her was to smile warmly. She wasn't really even concentrating on the TV in front of her anymore. For some reason - and probably out of instinct - she became more interested in Santana's struggle to write. "You've done it before. You just have to get back into that zone. Maybe you need to just lock yourself in a studio for a couple days."

"Maybe, but I don't want to do that." Santana knew she sounded like a petulant child digging her heels in. "I don't want to be away from home for too long. I like the routine of being with Wyatt during the day and being home with Aria after her school."

Santana sighed, frustrated with herself. "It feels like more pressure this time. It's the third album – should be old hat, but nothing fits and resonates yet. My manager thinks I should tap into my emotions a little more, but I'm afraid of dredging up too much negative shit."

Giving Santana a soft look, Rachel replied. "It worked for Adele though, right."

By now, their trusty pup had scooted his way to the floor and Rachel had turned slightly so her body was facing Santana. "The best songs are always the emotional ones, right? You just need to trust your instincts and let the words flow."

"I've got a piece, but I don't know how you'll feel about it." Santana busied herself with the popcorn bowl as she contemplated whether she could share this with Rachel and ultimately anyone listening to her music.

"It's about drifting apart and not being strong enough to reach across the divide and pull her back to you. Forcing yourself to use words before the division is too wide."

Rachel took a deep breath as she listened to Santana's words. Did she want everyone to know what they had gone through? Truthfully, she would have preferred people finding out through Santana's music rather than some sleazy magazine.

"What we should have done..." She nodded before gazing into Santana's eyes. "I..I think if it helps you, you should do it. This is your experience, too."

"It's the lyric that's haunting me. If I try to write anything else it feels vapid at best." Santana held out a shaky hand silently asking Rachel to take it, to bridge that gap between if only for that moment.

"I've hurt you too much to do this without you on board. This is our reality and sharing it without your permission, broadcasting more of our life without your go ahead ... I won't do it."

Biting her lip, she slowly moved her hand closer to Santana's, her pinky touching the other woman's. "I'm giving you permission, Santana. This…this isn't like some...pictures ending up in a magazine, or a tell-all interview. It's music...it's art, and that's what should be used to work through your emotions."

Santana exhaled blowing out a quick breath her heart beating more solidly than it had in weeks from that smallest of touches. "I think I have tomorrow's assignment then."

Santana rolled her teeth over her bottom lip momentarily lost in the quietness of the moment and how 'right' it felt. "I'll play it for you before anyone outside of the studio guys hear it." That was a promise she intended to keep come hell or high water.

"Shouldn't we be watching housewives scheming?"

Rachel couldn't even begin to explain how lonely she had been. For months - probably eight or nine if she really thought about it - she hadn't been intimate with her wife. And it wasn't just physical, it was emotional as well. She had longed so much to just be close to Santana again, to talk like a normal couple would. To touch each other and show Santana just how much she loved her. And in that moment, pushing the past few months to the back of her mind, Rachel couldn't think of a good reason not to be.

"I don't want to watch housewives scheming, Santana..." Rachel replied softly, and with conviction.

Santana slowly raised her head and looked solidly at Rachel, their fingers still touching lightly though now her finger was softly caressing Rachel's absently.

"What do you want to do, Rachel?" Santana eyes never left Rachel's, her tone soft, encouraging and light.

Rachel didn't take long to think about her answer. She knew what she was about to do was wrong, and that she wasn't ready, but she couldn't help it.

In one swift move, she was straddling Santana, leaning in and capturing her lips in a kiss.

"Mphmmh ". That was the extent of what Santana was capable of getting out of her mouth before Rachel's lips were on hers and her palms were filled with the woman's delectable ass. She knew she should stop her, put a halt on any level of physical affection but she felt as if she were literally starving and only Rachel's attention could satisfy her. Eagerly returning the kiss, Santana sucked Rachel's plump lip between hers and gently worried it between her teeth. Her cock instantly came to life, twitching and hardening inside her sleep shorts.

Wrapping her arms around the woman's neck, Rachel continued to kiss Santana deeply. She got lost in how soft they were, in the memory of what it used to feel like feeling them on her skin. She rocked her hips slowly into Santana's, and she could feel her hardening underneath her.

Santana growled and squeezed Rachel's ass losing herself in the taste and feel of her wife. Light nips, a gentle glide of tongue against her own. The taste was so familiar it felt like home through every fiber of her being. But it was the roll of Rachel's hips against her dick that snapped Santana from the haze of desire. Ripping her lips away, Santana gasped drawing in a calming breath. "Wait. Fuck. Wait. We ... we can't yet."

Leaning in again, Rachel whispered against Santana's lips. "Shut up..." And then she went right back to kissing her. Nipping her bottom lip, running her tongue over it, and running her fingers through Santana's long hair.

Santana's eyes slid closed and she yielded to the fresh assault on her lips. Drinking in Rachel passion, she felt desperate, mind reeling as her body spiraled into the depths of anxious desire. It was intoxicating and all consuming. Her fingers toyed with the raveling hem of Rachel's lounging shirt and glanced across the soft barely exposed skin.

Cupping the back of Santana's neck, she guided the woman to start kissing her neck, something that always set her nerves on fire. She went back to rocking her hips into Santana, trying to get as much friction as she could.

Following Rachel's silent direct and the gentle tug of hair, Santana flicked her tongue against the column of the woman's neck and lightly sucked her pulse point. Her breath was coming in harsh pants and she was struggling for control. Her cock was rock hard and pressing against Rachel with each every rock of the woman's hips. "Careful. Fuck, baby. Rachel."

Santana's words ripped through her like a knife, and suddenly she became completely aware of what they were doing. Pulling back, her eyes wide, she quickly scrambled off Santana and stood up, her hand over her mouth as her eyes started to fill with tears. She had given in so easily, and had she let it, Santana would have made it all the way back in again.

"No no. Shh. No tears. Please." Santana's heart plummeted. One look at Rachel's face painted the entire picture and that picture slammed its metaphorical fist right into her stomach. "I'm sorry. I ... we shouldn't have ... that."

Rachel closed her eyes, willing the tears to stop as she shook her head. Sniffling, she quickly opened them and looked at Santana in front of her. "Please go..."

"Damn it. No." Santana's whispered harshly. "Don't shut me out."

Rachel clutched the collar of her shirt as she sobbed, still shaking her head at Santana. "S-stop. Just go..." She needed the other woman gone.

"I love you." A broken sob tore from Santana's chest, hands trembling with the need to comfort Rachel but instead she dropped her head and retreated toward her room.

* * *

Santana tossed and turned in her bed, her stomach still in knots after being asked to leave … again – even if this time she was only banished to the guestroom. She was kicking herself for letting things get that heated between them. Rachel's whispered 'Shut up" and the sweet press of her lips against hers had been exactly what she had been craving for months and Santana had deluded herself into thinking it would be okay.

Having checked in on the children for the third time in three hours, Santana flopped back onto the guestroom bed and sighed. This was the night that would never end. In the quiet darkness, her mind replayed the scene on the couch over and over taunting her, reminding her of just how weak and powerless she could be regarding Rachel.

There was a knock on the door frame and Santana's head turned sharply in that direction expecting it to be Aria, but instead her gaze focused on a slightly taller figure. "Rach? Wha … do you need something?"

Rachel walked into Santana's room quietly, tears still falling from her eyes. It was clear she was still upset from what happened earlier that evening. She just needed someone to tell her that everything was going to be okay. Someone to hold her and run their fingers through her hair, like she loved. And she couldn't think of anyone better than Santana herself. She always knew how to calm Rachel down.

Sniffling as she walked closer to the bed, she whispered with a small voice. "Can..can I st-stay here with you?"

"Come here." Santana lifted the covers beckoning Rachel to join her. There was not a single thought to turning the woman away. Wrapping her arm around Rachel's back, Santana held her against her body rubbing small circles on along her tshirt covered back. She inhaled deeply breathing in the soothing scent of her wife, a yawn threatening to break the surface and if she wasn't careful, Santana knew she would fall asleep in minutes.

Her fingers wound in Rachel's soft dark hair, the tips of her fingers lightly stroking her scalp. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No.." Rachel closed her eyes as she wiped away her tears and pressed herself back into Santana. Her body needed to be close to the woman, even though she was hurting. Sniffling again, Rachel focused on Santana's fingers in her hair. "I just...I'm so lonely, Santana. I hate sleeping on my own."

"I've got you." Santana shifted closer cradling Rachel's body next to hers, her fingers continuing their soothing movement in the woman's hair. No matter how much her heart had broken earlier when she was sent away, no matter the kick to her pride that would happen when Rachel no doubt pushed her away in the harsh light of the morning, Santana was committed to holding her, breathing her in and providing whatever level of comfort she could. "I always sleep better with you next to me. Always."

With her eyes still closed, she continued to cuddle into Santana. It felt familiar, she felt safe and like nothing had ever changed. "I sleep better next to you, too."

She yawned, obviously tired from the emotional stress of earlier that evening. "I just…need some sleep."

"Sleep." Santana kissed the top of Rachel's head, arms holding her tightly to her body and she allowed herself to fall asleep. She knew full well tomorrow in the harsh light of day Rachel would be gone and pretending this never happened, but for now, she would take what she could get.


	7. Chapter 7

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

Another short interlude.

* * *

Rachel let out a deep sigh. She had been arguing with her daughter for almost fifteen minutes. For the dance recital, Aria was meant to wear the new shoes Rachel had bought her. She had said she liked them in the store, but when it came to putting them on, she suddenly thought they were hideous and that Amber had nicer ones.

"Aria, these shoes are perfect, okay? Will you just put them on? You need to be ready in five minutes or you won't be able to go on stage."

Santana glanced at the time and again at Rachel's empty seat. Rachel and Aria had left with plenty of time to get Aria settled well before the start of the recital and yet her wife was still not out front. That didn't bode well. Taking Wyatt in her arms, Santana begged the parent next to her to save the three seats and she hurried off to find out what was up. Crossing into the prepping area, Santana surveyed the room gaze glancing over a host of kids bouncing nervously until it landed on Rachel and Aria off to the side. Both had their hands on their hips, but where Rachel looked ready to pull her hair out, Aria looked downright defiant and was tapping her tight-covered foot.

Uh oh. Santana knew that look. Aria might be her kid too, but the girl was moments away from a Rachel Berry-esque diva fit. Picking up her pace, Santana stepped next to Rachel and lightly stroked her lower back to get her attention. Leaning close, Santana whispered "Take Wyatt and go get our seats back before Honey Boo Boo's mom gives them away. I've got this."

Attention not firmly on Aria, Santana stoops down to be at eye level. "Hey, mija. It's almost curtain. Mommy needs to be in her seat. What's the hold up?"

Rolling her eyes, Rachel took Wyatt from Santana and rested him on her hip. "Aria, Mommy will be waiting outside to watch you on that stage, okay?" With a quick, thankful look to Santana, Rachel headed back out front.

"I'm not going on!" Aria said defiantly, stamping her foot and crossing her arms in front of her. She was not about to move now. Not with those shoes.

"You're going to have to give me a little more than that, kid." Santana arched a questioning brow and held the girl's intense stare. They were locked in a battle of wills and for now Santana felt like she could hold her position.

Aria caved after a silent thirty seconds. "These shoes are dumb. Mommy picked this pair with the bow but Amber's are prettier with the princess jewel. I wants a princess jewel. I'm not going on in these shoes."

Santana pointed at a girl's shoes two people over. "Those?" When Aria nodded, Santana motioned for her to come closer and when she was Santana pretended as if she had the biggest secret of all time. "Those shoes might look pretty on her elephant feet but the jewels will catch the light and blind you and everyone in the first three rows. You want the audience to focus on your beautiful dancing right? "

Aria sighed deeply as she shrugged her shoulders. "She made fun of mine, Mama." Aria said with a pout. As a daughter of a celebrity couple, more often than not Aria would get picked on by the other kids. Rachel and Santana tried to protect her as much as they could, but it didn't always go to plan.

"What have we told you, Ari? Ignore her. She's jealous because you dance better than she does so she trying to break your confidence." Santana felt Aria starting to cave the tiniest bit so she went in for the kill. "Plus your mommy and I don't need beacons shining off your shoes to find you up there. You've worked hard and know your stuff. We won't be able to look anywhere else. Annnnnd we need to tape it for your papi-s and tu abuela. Can't tape you if you aren't out there ..."

By the way the girl let her shoulders slump and the sigh she let out, it was obvious she was giving in. She didn't like to, but she knew her Mama was right. She picked the shoes off the floor, and plopped herself down on a bench. "You promise you're going to like it, Mama?"

Santana took the shoes from Aria's hands and carefully slid them on the little girl's feet. "I promise I'm going to love it, baby. And your Mommy will too. When you take your bow, you'll see us in the middle of the third row cheering and calling out your name. There is no way we don't like your dancing the best."

Once the shoes were securely on her feet, Aria stood up and slung her arms around her mother, hugging her tightly. "I love you, Mama. And tell Mommy I love her, too."

She was quickly told to line up with the rest of her class mates, ready to go on stage in front of all their family and friends. Aria never usually got nervous, but in that moment, she definitely was.

"We love you too, mija. Break a leg." Santana kissed the top of her head and left her in line to ease her nerves with the other kids in the class.

Leaving back stage, Santana hurried to her seat next to Rachel and Wyatt. "All shoed up and in line."


	8. Chapter 8

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined!

* * *

"Thank you so much for lunch, Sydney." Rachel stood up and walked around to where her boss was sat, still digging into a slice of cheesecake. He and the whole team had invited Rachel out to lunch in celebration of the end of rehearsals. It was only a few days from their test show, and they wanted to make sure Rachel was feeling a hundred percent, even with all the rumours and stories floating around about her love life.

She kissed Sydney's cheek and patted his shoulder. "I have to get going, but I promise, the test show will be nothing but amazing. We've got this." With a squeeze to his shoulder, Rachel addressed everyone else. "Bye, everyone. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, she grabbed her coat and put it on as she made her way out of the restaurant. What she didn't expect to find, was the group of paps waiting for her.

Santana settled in for a long morning in the studio. The previous two days had been spent laying down the vocals for the tentatively titled "Divide" tract. It was more raw and emotional than anything she had done and incredibly personal but in the end, it was the lyric that had spoken to her loudest. The intention had been to share the rough cut with Rachel the night before, give her a preview because she had promised and as actually almost proud of the way it turned out, but Wyatt had been exceptionally cranky. By the time they had gotten the little guy tucked into bed, Rachel had wanted a warm bath and a glass of wine. The song could wait.

"Let's take a quick break while we reset the equipment" the sound engineer's voice announced over the interior audio speaker. Removing the bulky head set, Santana placed them on the hook and left the sound booth to grab a water. Picking up her phone, she noticed 8 missed calls and three texts from her manager asking for a call right away. That never turned out well.

"I'm at the studio, Adam. What's so urgent?"

"You want to repeat that?"

"How did this happen?"

"Fuck. Who has … shit who has the story?"

"Rachel…. she's … damn it. She's out. I'll call you back."

Santana's temper was on the edge of explosion. Pissed off was an understatement. She had promised Rachel she would hear it first. As quickly as she could, Santana sent Rachel a text.

'Rachel. If you haven't heard yet, someone gave TMZ the raw cut of Divide. The vultures will be circling for your reaction. Come to the studio - back entrance. Jake will usher you in. Please.'

"Rachel, what did you think of Divide? Are you okay with Santana putting your relationship on show like that?"

"Are you going to release your own song about it?"

"Are you two getting a divorce?"

Rachel was completely blindsided by the amount of questions that were being thrown at her. She couldn't believe Santana's new song was leaked before she had had the chance to listen to it herself. She knew it wasn't Santana's fault, but she was pissed. Pushing her sunglasses on, she pushed her way through the photographers and journalists as much as she could to get to her car without saying a word. She wasn't about to give anything away.

Once she reached her car and was safely inside, she quickly took her phone out only to notice five missed calls from her publicist, three from her manager and a text from Santana. The text was more important, and completely explained what had happened. Someone in the studio had leaked it, and Santana was pissed, she could tell. Sighing deeply, she quickly typed out a reply.

"They were waiting for me. I'll be right there. Just hope they don't follow me."

And with that, Rachel sped off in the direction of the studio Santana was at.

"This song was personal, Adam. Personal. And yes. I think it was probably going to make the cut, but it wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. And my family was unprepared. Find out how this happened. Now." Santana paced the floor, cell phone to her ear as she ranted and raved her displeasure. "Fix it."

Santana twisted the cap off her water bottle and took a long pull willing herself to calm down a little. Both she and Rachel had people on staff that would manage this fiasco as best they could and advise them on the next steps. Right now she needed to focus on making it right with Rachel and protecting the kids. Aria was at school and the paps steered clear of their on what little principal they had. Santana texted the nanny and asked her to make sure they stayed at the house today and kept Wyatt inside, to take the car to get Aria unless she received other instructions.

Jake's voice boomed outside the back entrance and Santana heard the heavy door close presumably with Rachel now safely inside.

"Are you okay?"

Sighing deeply as Rachel walked into the studio, she frowned and gazed into Santana's eyes.

"I practically got hounded by paparazzi, but I'm fine."

Walking over to the woman, she gave her a soft look. She could tell just by looking at Santana that she had nothing to do with the song leaking. She knew that Santana wanted to let her hear it first, and having such a rough copy leak like that must be hell for her. But it was the perfect time in their lives for this song to be given to the world. She was sure that whoever leaked it would have gotten a lot of money for it.

"I'm sorry the song leaked. I know it must be difficult."

"Adam is turning the studio employees upside down to find who might have leaked it." Santana huffed out a breath, fingers running through her hair. "But unfortunately the damage is done. By the end of the day I'd expect there will be a plan in place to re-release. What a fucking mess."

Lightly stroking Rachel's forearm, Santana shook her head. "I'm sorry you got blind-sided like that. You know I wanted you to hear it and approve it before it got out."

Nodding her head toward the entrance rehearsal rooms, Santana guided Rachel in that direction. "Mel's going to keep Wyatt close to home and use her car to pick up Aria so as to not draw attention to them, but the paps usually only get near them when they are with one or both of us."

Rachel followed Santana toward the rehearsal room. "Of course I knew. I'm not mad, San." She sighed as she plopped herself down on one of the couches. "Well, not at you. I just don't understand why someone would do something like that, y'know? It's super personal. Why would anyone try to make money off of it?"

Shaking her head, she gazed into Santana's eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am." She reached out and placed her hand slowly and gently on top of Santana's. "I will totally give you permission to kick this person's ass when we find out who it was."

"Cause people are assholes." Santana sank back into the cushions of the couch and closed her eyes briefly soaking up the comfort Rachel was offering in the light touch on her hand. "You must really be upset if you are foregoing your no tolerance for violence policy and offering to look the other way while I kick this person's ass."

"Would you … you want to hear it now? Studio is clear from any prying ear and the speakers in here put ours to shame." Santana held up the small thumb drive she'd had brought home the night before. "The lyrics are what we talked about, but the sound - its just me and an acoustic guitar. Very stripped down."

"Actually.." Rachel took a deep breath and continued. "..would you play it for me? Like..actually play it on your guitar and sing it for me?"

She knew she might be pushing Santana, but she needed to hear the song properly. Santana singing it, with the emotion in her voice that would make the song sound raw and pure. It would be so much better than hearing it through speakers.

"Oh." Santana was a little surprised by the request but agreed anyway. Snagging the guitar, she repositioned herself on the arm of the couch opposite Rachel and strummed the strings experimentally. "Ready?"

Santana played the sweet opening notes, they were a set of haunting chords that reverberated across the sound studio. Inhaling deeply, she allowed the first few words to fall into synch with the guitar. "Night after night, I see you. But night after night I can't hear you. We grow further apart, the divide too wide to bridge."

Santana's eyes closed and worked her way through the lyrics of the song the emotion evident in each word and note until it closed with the question that would haunt her forever. "Why didn't I try to bridge the divide?"

Rachel wiped her tears away at the end of the song, letting out a shaky breath. She didn't know what to say, or how to say it. The lyrics of the song had touched her completely. The emotion Santana had put into the song was unlike anything she had ever heard.

"W-wow.." Swallowing roughly, Rachel ran her fingers through her hair. "That was..that was beautiful."

This song was by far the most personal song she had ever recorded and singing it in person, to the person she wrote it about left her feeling vulnerable and emotionally spent. "Yeah?" Her voice was hesitant yet hopeful. "It's … it's without question about us. And I hate that it got out before you were ready for the storm it has kicked back up."

Rachel shook her head, and before she knew it, she was leaning in and capturing Santana's lips in hers. It was a kiss filled with emotion, with longing. It was impulsive, but Rachel wouldn't have it any other way. She reached up and cupped Santana's cheek, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

Santana moaned into the unexpected kiss, eyes fluttering shut again. With one hand supporting the guitar, she used the other to steady herself against Rachel's side. The kiss was light yet deep and everything Santana craved in reconnecting. It was different from the other night, still more than likely too soon, but she needed this reminder of who they had been once upon a time and what she hoped they could be again.

After a few more moments, Rachel pulled out of the kiss, her eyes fluttering open as she gazed into Santana's. She struggled to catch her breath, her chest rising and falling. "I wish I had too, Santana. This...us...it's as much my fault as it is yours. And I'm sorry I didn't see that before. I should never have avoided you."

Santana bent to place the guitar on the floor and pressed one more light kiss to Rachel's lips and rest her forehead on Rachel's. Her chest was tight with multiple layers of emotions. This kiss, the unauthorized release of her song, her infidelity, the wide berth of emotional distance between them …. all of that stacked one on top of the other until she could hardly breathe through it.

"Would you …. could you …. Jesus, I sound like Dr. Suess." Santana rolled her eyes at herself. "Go on a date with me?"

Rachel was momentarily lost for words. She hadn't anticipated Santana to ask her on a date. Not in their situation. Were they even ready for that? A date was a big step.

"S-santana, I don't know. Is that a good idea?"

"I don't know if it's a good idea. Only you can answer that." Santana stroked her thumb over Rachel's cheek and held her gaze. "It's the only way I can think to rebuild us, to close this distance. We back up and learn to talk to each other again."

Sighing deeply, Rachel bit her lip. "Santana, if..if I date you again, if we get into this, and you break my heart again? I will never, ever forgive you. That's it. I can't keep on forgiving you, and trusting you."

"Go out with me. We can take it slow, enjoy each other's company outside of the kids and remember how to be Rachel and Santana - not Mommy and Mama." Santana inhaled a full breath and let it out slowly. "I won't beg and put you on the spot. It has to be your choice and decision, but if I hurt you like that again, if I break your heart in that way, I won't deserve your trust or forgiveness."

Leaning in again, Rachel pressed a soft kiss to Santana's lips as her only answer. After a few seconds, she pulled back and looked into Santana's eyes. "Don't make me regret saying yes, okay?"

"Y- yes?" Santana's heartrate picked up and a smile tugged at her lips before she tugged Rachel against her a final time for another kiss. "Yes."

Santana's phone buzzed interrupting the moment and reminding her of the issues at hand. "Do you want me to fight the release of the song? I don't think it will do a lot of good, but we can try. Or I can spend another couple of days in the studio with it and we can have it out in the format I want within a week. No appearances or interview. We let the song stand on its own."

"It's out there now. I don't think you should fight it. If you want to release it properly, I'll stand by it. It's an amazing song, Santana. You should be the one releasing it." Rachel said with a firm nod. There was no point trying to fight it, or pretend it didn't exist. It was out there, and people were already talking about it.

"I'll finish the track and let my label do their thing." Santana felt lighter than she had when she had gotten that initial call this morning. "Want to go home and relieve Mel from kid duty? I'll have a car pulled around and we can sneak out the back?"


	9. Chapter 9

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along.

Please read and review if you are so inclined! 

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"So? What'd you think?" So far the date had been pretty kick ass if Santana said so herself … and she did. The kids were with the Berry dads for the evening probably watching The Lion King and eating pizza. After Aria was born, Rachel's dads had officially moved from Lima to a place in Queens to spoil the hell out of their granddaughter.

After learning Quinn was going to be out of town on business, Santana had commandeered her apartment for their date. When Rachel and Santana had first hooked up, they were 20 years old and broke. Dates consisted of cheap restaurants or take out and rented movies on the couch of the loft only recently vacated by Kurt. They now had enough money to eat out in fancy (read that expensive) places, but for tonight, Santana had wanted to create a little nostalgia and Quinn's place was perfect for that.

This was not to say that Santana was doing this on the cheap. Time was of the essence and she wanted to spend as much of it actually interacting with Rachel. With that in mind, she had hired a chef to come into Quinn's kitchen and prepare the food, to serve it, and then clean up and leave.

Lifting her wine glass to her lips, Rachel sipped some of her red wine before turning to Santana. "You sure know how to treat a lady, Santana." She already knew this, but she could see Santana making an effort, and wanted to acknowledge it.

Santana had hired a chef to cook for them, made Quinn's terrace look like an absolute haven, and most of all, had made Rachel feel special. That's all she really wanted. Of course, Santana's infidelity was never far from the back of her mind, but if they were going to move past it and be a family again, Rachel needed to try and forgive what Santana had done.

"You deserve it, Rachel." Santana sipped her wine and placed the glass back on the table. It was a beautiful night with near perfect temperatures. Even better, they were away from prying public eyes and could simply be themselves. "It's kind of like take out nights when we would open the window and eat on the fire escape. Right?"

Rachel smiled brightly at the memory. It had been such a long time since they had done that, she had almost forgotten. "Those were some of the best nights I've ever had. Just us and crappy take-out." She said, chuckling.

After another sip of her wine, Rachel gazed into Santana's eyes. "I really appreciate you doing this, Santana. It's great to just..get away from it all."

"We've gotten away from being you and me. As parents, we spend a lot of time being mommy and mama, that I forget how much we need this sometimes." Santana lifted Rachel's hand to her lips and kisses it lightly. "What happens next is up to you. We can dance on the terrace or I've loaded a few eps of Housewives of Atlanta on Quinn's DVR. Don't tell her though. It'll be our secret."

Standing up, Rachel held out her hand for Santana, waiting for the woman to take it.

Once she did, Rachel smiled warmly and pulled her close. "Would you dance with me?" She wouldn't admit it, but she had missed being in Santana's arms. It made her feel safe, even after all the hurt over the past weeks. She couldn't deny that it was where she belonged.

Santana slipped her arms around Rachel's shoulders and playfully twirled her toward the music player to turn up the volume. Wrapping one arm around Rachel's back, she cradled the woman as close to her body as she dared and continued to lead them around the lighted terrace. "This is … it's perfect. The way you feel in my arms."

Rachel rested her head on Santana's shoulders as the woman lead them around the terrace. Suddenly, every bad thing that had happened in the past few months was forgotten. They were Rachel and Santana again. Just them, and no one else. "I've missed this, Santana..."

Santana's heart rate picked up as Rachel snuggled into her. The heat of her body, the closeness, and the quietness of the woman's tone was making it nearly impossible to remember that this was a date, a re-do and that she needed to keep things … even.

Losing herself momentarily in Rachel's deep, brown expressive eyes, Santana exhaled sharply in a pant-like breath. "Kiss me, Rach."

Rachel didn't take long to grant Santana's request. She was lost in the moment, Santana's deep eyes staring back at her. She couldn't say no. So she leaned in, and without a second thought, captured Santana's lips in her own.

Music forgotten, Santana growled into the kiss pressing one two and then three light kisses on Rachel's lips, but it wasn't quite enough. Hands sliding to Rachel's hips, Santana tugged sharply losing the fraction of space between their lower bodies. She hissed out a breath as the hardening length of her cock thumped against the fly of her slacks making itself known to both of them.

Somewhere in the recesses of her mind, Santana registered that this was too soon, too much even, but she ignored that nagging thought. Rachel was in her arms, kissing her like she meant it and that was enough for now. The explosion inside her chest, the utter relief in her veins, felt as if she was drawing a complete breath for the first time in as long as a year.

Rachel cupped Santana's cheeks, deepening the kiss. She hadn't felt like this in as long as she could remember. Pressing herself even closer to her wife, she forgot every nagging thought in the back of her mind that was telling her this was a bad idea and let her body take over. Whether they were ready or not, this was where Rachel wanted to be. She moaned into the kiss, and as she pulled out of it, she tugged Santana's bottom lip.

Santana's nose flared, one hand fisting Rachel's hair and drawing her back into the kiss. Biting, the sweet sting of teeth in flesh, was her Achilles heel and the one thing guaranteed to make her lose her mind.

"Fuck, Rachel." It was the lightest whisper between kisses, a pant of air against Rachel's lips before her mouth closed the gap again … and again. The fingers of her left hand rolled the hem of Rachel's shirt upward until they were touching bare skin, stroking and caressing it in time with her tongue against the other woman's. It was intoxicating, all consuming and her dick was throbbing, begging for attention.

Rachel moaned into the kiss, and before she knew it, she was pushing Santana backwards to one of the outdoor seats Quinn had on her terrace. Once Santana's legs hit the chair, Rachel pushed her chest gently enough so that Santana would sit down, and she straddled Santana's lap, her lips still never leaving Santana's. The rush and heat that her body felt, and feeling Santana's hard underneath her felt unbelievable. She had missed this more than words could explain. Nipping at Santana's bottom lip again, Rachel pulled out of the kiss, panting and whispered against Santana's lips. "Jesus, Santana..."

"Yeah, baby." With a lap full of Rachel and the continued assault on her mouth, that was the maximum number of words she could manage. Her higher brain function had left the building taking her self control right along with it. Santana's hands played at Rachel's waist for the briefest of seconds as she playfully nipped the woman's bottom lip before traveling lower to guide her hips increasing the friction between their lower bodies. She could feel Rachel's heat even through the layers of clothing and it was maddening.

She slid one hand up from the curve of her ass and under the back of Rachel's shirt. Her bare skin burned Santana's fingertips and she didn't bother to hold back her moan. "Off. Take off your shirt, love."

Rachel pulled back, pressing a finger to Santana's lips to make her stay quiet and shook her head. "No.." As soon as the words escaped her mouth, her lips were back on Santana's, and she was kissing her like it would be the last time she got to. Rocking her hips slightly, moaning into the kiss, Rachel dug her fingers in Santana's hair.

"Ra…" Santana whined her displeasure only to have it swallowed by Rachel's continued kisses and that delectable roll of her hips. It was maddening to sit back and let Rachel lead them but she knew it was the way this exchange needed to go. No matter how frustrating this would prove to be. Besides, that's what cold showers and her left hand were for, right?

Arching her back, Santana broke the kiss gently and began a path down the column of Rachel's neck licking and sucking at her pulse point but not hard enough to leave a mark. Rachel's breathing was shallow, her moaning almost lyrical as it timed perfectly with the light caress of tongue on skin and the roll of her hips.

Rachel dug her nails into Santana's scalp, moaning as she felt Santana's lips all over her neck. "San.." Rachel's chest was rising and falling, and it felt like her skin was on fire.

"Santana, we can't.." Even though Rachel's words were protesting, her body wasn't. She held Santana's head, keeping her lips on her neck.

"Hmm?" Santana barely registered the words through the haze of arousal. Rachel's fingers were twisting in her hair, nails scratching at her scalp and she was mesmerized by the feel of the woman's pulse against her tongue. With one last, long flick of her tongue, Santana forced herself to pull back and meet Rachel's intense gaze head on.

The woman's eyes were completely blown, desire evident in their depths and in the woman's shallow little breaths. "God. You are so fucking beautiful."

Struggling to catch her breath, her chest rising and falling, Rachel gazed into Santana's eyes. She could tell that Santana was turned on. There was no denying the look in her wife's eyes. But it was too soon. Giving in to Santana like her body wanted, would just make things far too complicated.

With a small smile, Rachel leaned in and pressed her lips gently to Santana's. She knew the woman would want more, but it was all she could give in that moment now that reality had caught up with her. "Thank you..."

Santana kissed Rachel's lips lightly one final time before resting her forehead against her shoulder in order to catch her breath and cool her hormones. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

"Once I get her to go down a little, want to raid Quinn's cookie cabinet and get crumbs on the couch?"

Rachel chuckled, wrapping her arms around Santana's neck. "She'll kill us.." Pressing a kiss to Santana's temple. "I'm so totally up for that."

"She'd be more pissed if we had sex on her bed ..." Santana got the scheming glint in her eye and could barely suppress the giggle. "Maybe next time."

Santana kissed Rachel's nose reluctant to break up the moment. Sex or no sex, there was something incredibly fantastic about having Rachel in her lap. "This …. we should do it again and more often. Make date nights a thing … say yes. "

Rachel chuckled before biting her lip as she gazed into Santana's eyes. That had been their problem all along. They hadn't spent enough time together. How was Rachel supposed to say no to that. Yet, she didn't want to seem too keen.

"Let's see how it goes?" She asked with a hopeful smile.


	10. Chapter 10

Collaboration with Ali writing for Rachel. Disclaimer: We don't own Glee, any part of Glee, or these characters. Simply taking them out for a spin.

Warnings: Girl Peen – if it's not your thing, please move along. 

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Rachel sat by the pool, sunglasses on a drink in her hand as she finished skimming through her emails for the day. She had promised Santana that while they were away, they wouldn't work, but she needed to have five minutes just to skim through the important emails and reply to the ones that were urgent. Luckily, Santana hadn't joined her by the pool yet, so she wasn't too worried. She quickly set her drink down and started typing out a reply to her manager's email.

Two fruity drinks with umbrellas in hand, Santana wound her way from the bar to the pool. The hotel where they were staying for the weekend was fairly posh and had an excellent pool and bar. The weather was amazing for a little r&r away from the kids and work for a few days. It was exactly what she needed and Rachel's friends/castmates wedding was a perfect backdrop.

A quick survey of the pool area found Rachel lounging in a deck chair in a stunning black bikini with her phone in hand typing furiously. Stepping directly up to the chair, a Santana-shaped shadow was cast. "Is that work I see, Mrs. Berry-Lopez?"

The question was gentle and teasing. Of course they would both have a little work email to answer, a few messages to return, but hopefully those could be kept to a minimum. Extending one of the red concoctions, Santana lifted her glass in a mock toast. "Bottoms up!"

As she heard her wife's voice, Rachel gazed up from her screen, and with a sheepish smile, she said. "I'm sorry. Holly just needed to know if I could do an event." She put her phone away and gladly accepted the drink Santana offered her. "I'm barely finished my last drink and you're offering me another. Trying to get me drunk, Mrs. Berry-Lopez?" She asked, chuckling before sipping her drink. She silently thanked herself for remembering to put on her sunglasses, because now she was able to let her eyes drift over Santana's sculpted abs without her noticing.

"It's a weekend away, no kids - the perfect opportunity to stay a little tipsy." Santana took her post on the lounger next to Rachel and stretched out with a relaxed sigh. Sipping her drink, she twirled the green umbrella before placing it carefully on the side table. "It's been forever since we've been away like this. Just us."

"You keep buying me the drinks and I'm going to be more than a little tipsy." Rachel said with a smirk, before taking another sip of her drink. But Santana was right. It had been so long since they had been away together. The last time they had a vacation on their own was when they went to the Fiji Islands when she was pregnant with Wyatt. Aria had stayed with Santana's parents, because Rachel needed to get away from the stress of every day life. Her doctor had told her to, luckily, and once Santana found out, she surprised Rachel with two plane tickets and ten days in Fiji. "Last time was Fiji.."

"Three years ... Almost four ..." Santana let herself drift back to that vacation. Ten days with her four months pregnant wife, hormones raging - a good time for sure.

Santana adjusted her sunglasses and allowed her gaze to travel the length of Rachel's body. Her breasts though smallish were perfect, legs toned, long and tan. "We only have two days this go round. And some wedding activities thrown in. We have to make the most of it."

"What did you have in mind?" Rachel asked, not able to keep the smirk from her lips. Reclining in her lounge, and sipping her drink, Rachel gazed into Santana's eyes.

"Dangerous question, babe." Santana winked, a teasing grin playing at her lips. "But in safer territory, how about a swim?"

"You tell me.." Rachel said, before standing up, taking Santana's hand in hers, interlocking their fingers and leading her wife toward the pool. There were people around, yes, and Rachel was almost certain that rumours about them getting back together would surface soon enough, but she didn't really care. What was going on between her and Santana was their business, and no one else's.

Santana bit her lip as Rachel took her hand, heart full in the moment. It had been a couple of months of weekly or biweekly date nights depending on their schedules and they had become more comfortable around each other talking and connecting, slowly rediscovering themselves s a couple. That said, Rachel still maintained her own room with Santana in the guestroom. Rachel sneaking in for light cuddling and back out again in the morning wasn't uncommon but this was more, simply more.

Step by step, the pair entered the pool until the water was flowing along their waists and playing at the bare skin on each of their abdomens. Wrapping her arm around Rachel, Santana settled her covered breasts against Rachel's back and flicked water in her general direction. "Looks like swimming to me."

Rachel let her eyes fall closed as she let herself get comfortable in Santana's arms. The more she let herself be vulnerable around her wife, the more she wanted to let her back in her heart. But she knew she couldn't. At least not now.

"Do you remember the last time we were in a swimming pool together..?" Rachel asked, her voice teasing. The last time she had been in a swimming pool with Santana, they ended up having sex. Twice. Granted, it was their own pool, but it still brought back memories.

Lightly kissing Rachel's shoulder, Santana wrapped her other arm around Rachel's waist and enjoyed every point their bodies were connected. Too long. It had been too damn long since they had been this comfortable with each other.

Comfortable until Rachel brought that particular memory up that was. Immediately Santana's cock twitched to life, hardening in her swimtrunks. Grateful she had decided on less modest swimwear to avoid giving other an eyeful, she never-the-less felt her face get flush. Lowering her voice to a low husky tone, Santana pressed her lips just below Rachel's ear. "Pressing you up against the wall of the pool, removing your bottoms and taking you from behind until you were moaning my name ... nope. Don't remember that."

The whimper Rachel let out could barely be heard, but she was positive Santana did. She could feel Santana's cock harden and press against her, and it made her breath hitch and she swallowed roughly. It felt so familiar to feel Santana like this again, yet so new. It had been so long since they had given themselves to each other fully that Rachel couldn't even remember it.

But she did remember the time that Santana was talking about, and it made heat pool rapidly in the lower stomach. "I..I remember." She breathed out.

"Jesus, Rach. As if I could forget." Santana's eyes fluttered closed, breath coming out in short pants, and she had to work hard to stifle the moan in the tip of her tongue.

"Turn around." The direction was low and clipped and Santana didn't wait for an answer before she was using pool to her advantage twisting Rachel settling her legs around her hips. Her gaze settled on the woman's lips, the air between them was electric and drawing her closer and closer like a magnet until there was no space at all. Santana's lips tingled as she kissed her wife with light sweet pecks and a deeper teasing suck of her bottom lip into her mouth.

Rachel couldn't say the kiss took her by surprise. She could see the look in Santana's eyes and knew what she was about to do. And it wasn't that she didn't want to kiss her wife back. Hell, they had been making out for a good few weeks now, a few small pecks was nothing. But it was the fact that they were stood in a public swimming pool, and everyone could see what they were doing.

Rachel kissed her wife back, but as soon as she got the opportunity, she whispered softly against her lips. "Everyone can see us, San..."

"Next time, fuck the penthouse. We're renting a house with a private pool." Santana growled her disapproval, a low rumble that vibrated against Rachel's lips taunting Santana to kiss her a few more times before reluctantly pulling away.

Pushing back just enough to give herself some room to breathe air that wasn't charged with the pulse between them, Santana took a few deep breaths and blew them out. If it wouldn't cause a scene that would end up in a trash magazine, she would offer the few people in the pool area cash to disappear.

As Santana pulled back, Rachel's eyes immediately ran over the woman's body, biting her lip as she took a deep breath. Rachel had forgotten how amazing the other woman's body was, and seeing her in only a bikini top and swim shorts definitely reminded her.

"Keep your hormones in check, Mrs. Berry Lopez." She said with a chuckle, before taking a deep breath and disappearing under the water.

"Are you talking to me or to yourself, Mrs. Berry-Lopez?" Santana giggled a little and watched with rapt attention as Rachel swam away from her. The extra distance between them gave Santana the opportunity to cool off and reign herself. Her cock wasn't soft, but she also wasn't sporting major wood either. The last few weeks of making out and cuddling at night had kept her a little more on edge, a little easier to amp up. She and her left hand were more acquainted than they had been since she was 15 when a light breeze made her horny. 

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The low hum of voices slowly tapered off as the opening chords of the entrance song played. Rachel's cast mate and friend, Megan, peered down the aisle through the gathered family and friends until her gaze landed on her soon to be wife, Liz. That moment was obvious as Meg's eyes teased up, her fingers swiping at her eyes. Santana heard a sniffle next to her and reached out to hold Rachel's hand at the same time she swiped at her own emotional tears.

Rachel always had been the emotional type, especially when it came to weddings. There was nothing better than seeing two people in love commit themselves to each other. It also brought her back to her own wedding. Bittersweet memories came flooding back to her and probably didn't help with the tears. Rachel leaned closer to Santana, whispering softly. "Liz looks so beautiful..."

"They both do." Santana whispered back, her voice tight as she struggled against an all out tear fest. It wasn't that long ago that it had been Rachel walking down the aisle to her, looking absolutely gorgeous on the arms of her fathers. Clasping her hand even more tightly in Rachel's, Santana leaned in closer needing as much contact with Rachel as possible.

Rachel was glad Santana had pulled her as close as she could. She needed the contact with her wife in that moment, and was glad Santana felt the same way. Her eyes never left the couple on front of her. They were about to get married, one of the scariest things someone could ever do. And also one of the most beautiful.

As the officiant led the couple through their vows, Santana traced her thumb along Rachel's palm and lifted it to her lips for a light kiss. A few months ago Santana had screwed up so badly she wasn't sure they would ever get back to a place where they might be on the precipice of truly being together again. It wasn't a foregone conclusion but it seemed like a firm maybe. Leaning in, Santana kissed Rachel's cheek and whispered "I love you."

Rachel gazed into Santana's eyes, a loving smile on her face. She wanted to say the words back to her, like she had done so many times before. But she wasn't ready. She couldn't open herself up like that again and have Santana crush her hopes like she had before. She took a deep breath and turned back to the couple getting married in front of her.

A tiny prick of hurt pierced her before she shoved it aside. Self pity was a waste of time and one she refused to indulge in this weekend. The smile, the sweet smile on Rachel's face and the look being broadcast in her direction was enough for now and probably more than she deserved. Wrapping her arm around Rachel, Santana settled back in the seat and watched as Megan and Liz pledged themselves to each other.


End file.
